just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
