Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
