Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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