How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
