There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
