I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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