he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
