just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My pussy is not your playground.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
