He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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