Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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