I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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