The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
40s are totally the cure
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
