She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
