No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
