Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
