If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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