i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
