one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???