dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosť, bitch!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?