I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit