Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have already put on my inside pants.