i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
