Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
