at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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