Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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