he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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