I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
