i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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