Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
