I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
