I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.