Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home