Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.