She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler