The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Shame - the story of my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
