But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
