After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
