Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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