So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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