She's JV to your varsity
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize