All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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