oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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