So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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