i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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