What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
