Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
