If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
