i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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