Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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