i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
