ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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