I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
