I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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