its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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