I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
