I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
