You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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