arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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