guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
