Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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