so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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