Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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