everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
