He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
