Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Screwed.edu
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
