I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
