I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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