We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
