I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I want is dick and wine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
